true blue 2

I am totally in love with being a mommy.

It only took  about 4 years, but I feel like my innards are changing and I feel Really Good about being a mommy. Yup, it feels really gooey and fuzzy warm in there.

When my first born came on the scene, loving him was easy. I was instantly in love with him. My heart was wide open at the sight of him, smell of him, touch of him, sound of him, and I had to keep myself from eating him up! (I understand now how some animals eat their young).  With all the love I felt for him and the same with my second born, I experienced how BIG love can truly feel.

And I did love my boys fiercely and fully but did not love being a mommy.

Initially, it was hard, difficult, challenging, just plain not easy. And too many times I felt frustrated, devalued, defeated and annoyed because really I wanted to do a good job. But I felt like I was coming up short. I sucked #$$ Arrrgh! And hated feeling like a flunky.

But now 4 years later, I feel it. I feel the swell in my heart of pride and admiration for these two boys who are healthily growing up and intelligently exploring the world. I feel a sense of responsibility for doing a good job thus far.

I am happy and eternally grateful for being divinely selected to assist these light beings at the beginning of their journey while experiencing my own transformation in the process. I am becoming a  woman who decides wisely, who speaks truthfully, who acts thoughtfully, who waits patiently, who guides steadily and readily. All thanks to motherhood.

I am becoming an expanded expression of love.

And that’s what I’m in love with: this new version of me.

Mommy Love.

So wide. So deep.