here i am.
I’m here now. Sitting here keeping a promise to myself to show up and be seen. Caught in the act of creating.
In the past few months, I’ve been focusing on establishing and maintaining a creative habit for myself. Discipline + simplifying = quality time + energy 4 creating.
And as a social butterfly, subtracting from socializing is key but challenging.
Tonight I made a very tough decision. I did not go to the party. And for me, miss dancing queen, it was a tough call to make. But I decided it was more important to keep the date, the routine of the creative habit. It is necessary to claim and protect this space. Guard it. Guard it even from me.
Yes, it was a tough call but not that tough. Since developing a creative habit, I’ve been more internal, cocoon-like. Going within more often helps me hear clearly what my heart wants. And it wants to be still and at home more these days. Where I can sit in a place of focused concentration and meditation (of course after the boys are in bed).
I am an artist. I not only like what I do but I love it and it brings me great joy and great peace. I value the process of creating, and I’m learning to value what I produce and not be afraid to put a dollar value to the good. And I’m learning how to claim my place as an artist even when it scares me. Because what I’m really saying is: I claim my right to choose to be an artist as a viable career.
And my first steps on this career path is to show up and create. Create. Create. Create.
Yes, I may have to decline more dances. And when its time for me to get back on the party dance floor, I will. But for now, I’m enjoying this new life as a wall flower. I get to have a different perspective on things. And isn’t that what art is about? Perspective.
